10 Reasons the Old Woman Might Have Lived in a Shoe
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe…
You probably heard that nursery rhyme when you were a child, and perhaps marveled, as we did, at the imagery. It may have even crossed your mind a night or two while hearing it read to you, “Why the heck would anyone live in a shoe?” It does seem to be an odd choice for living arrangements when you think about it. So we decided to do some serious research and, wouldn’t you know it, we came up with ten reasons why that old woman might have lived in that shoe:
- Duplex – It was actually a duplex that she shared with her twin sister, who lived in the left shoe. You don’t hear much about Thelma, her twin, because instead of children, she had so many cats that she didn’t know what to do. So the ASPCA got involved, issued summonses, and the whole thing got ugly pretty quickly.
- Safety – The Stilettos Subdivision already had a waiting list; plus, the homeowners association wasn’t too keen on leasing a stiletto condo to a family with so many kids. Liability issues regarding under-age tenants playing around those sharp heels were a big concern. So the old woman settled for a shoe instead.
- Puns – For someone this straight-laced, it was a natural habitat. Plus she was able to buy a pair, so she could rent out the other one, and sock away some extra walking around money.
- Fetish – She had a foot fetish, plain and simple. The old woman just couldn’t resist living inside a shoe. The shape, the smell, the cozy nooks and crannies, were just too tempting. And even though she was straight-laced, who could possibly turn down arched ceilings and a sole food pantry filled with toe jam?
- Heel – Okay, let’s be frank here. The rest of the rhyme includes the following gem: She gave them some broth without any bread; then whipped them all soundly and put them to bed. Now we ask you, where else but in a shoe would a heel like this live anyway?
- Misunderstanding – There’s no doubt the woman needed her space. With all those kids, she had to have someplace to get away. So when her realtor friend, Ed Sullivan, told her about this “really big shoe” that was made from cowhide, she figured, There’s a winner. A really big shoe where a cow could hide. Sounds like just the ticket. I’m in.
- Writer – So, just to be clear: We’re all sitting here wondering why this old woman lived in a shoe, yet no one seems to have a problem accepting the fact that the nursery rhyme was written by someone named Mother Goose?
- Politics – We have a theory. It goes something like this: The whole thing is a metaphor for fascism. The teeming masses of children, under the boot-heel of their despotic leader, the old woman, who whips them into submission after doling out morsels of food. Yes, it fairly reeks of fascism.
- Style – Then again, maybe it was more about fashion than fascism. The old woman was after all quite a stylish lady and from a well-heeled family. Maybe Jimmy Choo had a hand in making the shoe…
- Summer – Be honest. If she had lived in a flip-flop or a sandal, would you have visited? We didn’t think so.
Okay, so maybe these aren’t the best reasons to live in a shoe. I, for one, couldn’t stand the smell. But I suppose if it was between the shoe and the pumpkin with Peter’s wife… I’d have to choose the shoe. At least it wouldn’t rot.